and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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