grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i already hear my dad disowning me
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I love you.
Bad choice
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
