she woke up with a sticky ear
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
