This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
