What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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