I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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