I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
