after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Randomize
