Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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