i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
