Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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