god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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