found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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