I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
