Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
