I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
