I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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