The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
