Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
