so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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