This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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