he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
