I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
