maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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