There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
