if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
