i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I think I won the penis lottery.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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