just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
