I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
