I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
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