Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
