wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
