Duck Duck Cougar?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
