your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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