I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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