he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
