I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
