I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
