Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
