i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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