i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Randomize
