She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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