so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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