these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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