To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
