oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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