all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
