I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
