benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Rumble strips road head = magical
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
