My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
