my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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