i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
