How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
