Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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