I've blown a few things in my day
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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